pictures the night before exams

looks like fairy.....
















girl's best fiend, diamante

















isn't it cool to have rain wherever you go?


















spiral experimental piece






















no present for depicting this















spiral masterpiece

















heads only






















gimme a name


































insect on my screen


















my favourite, the rat

lessons learnt today

I was reading the promising brands awards from straits times, engrossed in how the wet towel company, freshening singapore could make it so big when i sighted something on my hand.




now, it is something small but very black and its moving. this view is how i see it at the first instance. you can see the head is facing the left, its head is moving and it seems to be pecking at my hand...







of course i want to see what the fuck it is, such a funny creature on my hand, mayb it is poisonous or what, or mayb its trimming my hair for me? i dunt know... i raised my hand and peered at it.





and this is how everything would look if u were peering at the insect from my opposite side.

it is actually two insects stacking on each other. and both are unidentifiable insects. however, the smaller insect lets name it tiny, is on the bigger insect's, lets name it biggy, backside. and tiny is vibrating up and down and up and down. i can see the expression on tiny's face. i think he likes it. i dun think biggy really enjoyed it. ok la fair enuff, mayb he/she enjoyed a bit, but not as much as tiny. it also seems like biggy would like to take a look at what is happening behind, but apparently his/her body is too long and i think he/she cant turn his/her head. i took some time studying them but cant figure out their sex. of coz i cant let such an oppurtunity escape, i went to take a camera. sadly, the moment i stand up, biggy flew away, with tiny on him/her.

however, i learnt quite a few lessons today from tiny and biggy:
1. insects can have inter species sex.
2. insects can do it on the fly.
3. however, they prefer to do it on the ground.
4. if you're small doesn't mean u cant be in control. vice versa.
5. if you're not in control you're sad.
6. you'd be happy to know its happening.
7. you'd want to see whats happening.
8. f you cant see whats happening you'd be sad.
9. insects like to do it doggy style.
10. insects like to do it somewhere warm and bushy.
11. PDA, public display of affection, is a way of life for insects.
12. moreover, insects don't mind voyuerism.
13. however they mind external movement.
14. insects may be homosexuals or bisexuals, because i can't see their sex.
15. insects dunt wear condem, the condem available on the market is too big for them.

ya thats almost all, there can be more though... but i gotta study my financial acccounting alr. bye blog.

YAwnnnz

Ywannnzzz, this blog has been sleepin for so long man... its time to wake up!

hmmm i hate this phrase ''its time to wake up''. its something i hear internally every day, at least once. it signals reality, it signals time to work, it signals time to study. sleeping is such a funny thing you know.... if i do not laze on the bed for an additional period of time such that it is just nice to being late, i'd blame myself for not treating myself well enough. however, if i laze or even sleep until i'll be late, i'll blame myself for being lazy. its only a few seconds but the difference between guilt and satisfaction can be so great. back to the topic, i hate this phrase because i've not been sleeping well.

everynight i do not sleep with the intention that i want to sleep. always, i'd be studying until a particular topic, feel tired, and would reward myself with a five minute laze on the bed. and always, the five minute laze become a five hour sleep. aand sleeping without the intention of sleeping is tiring, and very stressful, both before and after waking up.

but everynight? ya its almost everynight, i'm so damn tight nowadays. i've got 2 concurrent degrees and everything is piling up like shit out of the toilet bowl. when i try to flush everything spills out instead. its such that everyweek, there will be at least 1 major assignment, project deadline or exam for me! thats hectic....

all these are taking a lot of time from me. more of indirectly. i'd be all stressed when i think about the major deadlines plunging at me every week. and i get tired easily, and it gets me to sleep unknowingly....

i haven caught up with my friends for quite some time ... even my current uni frens, most of the time i am not free to join them, and i am not free to even join an extra cirricular activity. ohwell can't really blame it on the workload, my time management sux too. realli.... gonna plan well next sem. ohwell the word ''next'' is very easy to use, and it enables me to feel better about the future at least, but the cycle always repeats. ohya not forgetting my lovely girlfriend siting. hmmm i'd definitely spend more time with her when i finish all my psycho stuff.

thank goodness i got 3 major test left at least in this coming week. haha, i'm surprised, did i say thank goodness? i've got financial accounting (10%) and statistics B (30%!!) this coming saturday. ANd ... a 50% theory test on the psychology topic learning next thursday. learning is interesting.... really, i mean the psychology topic of learning. i like the layman's learning too, or else how would i have taken up the psychology degree in army days... back to the tests.... financial accounting i'm screwed. stats i'm confused, coz i know how to do but yet i'm lazy to practise, coz i know how to do, so i feel a bit guilty ... the 50% test... hmm hope i can pass then i would pass my module alr.

hmmm i guess i gotta plan my future well man, but after my psycho degree i promise. now is really tight like the water tap which can't be turned on... am i going to be a business man? entrepreneur? investment banker? investor? i dunno... but the payoff must be good, i wanna be rich, i wanna give my family a good life... i wanna give myself a good life, and not forgetting....

but is rich the way to go???? i dun think so, coz i'd be all stressed and too tired for anything in future if i dun like my job, even if it makes me a billionaire. look at the billionaires, they have so much passion in what they do... must really learn from them. we must love our jobs, we must like what we do. so i guess i just have to start liking to wake up in the morning.....

Learned helplessness

I read about learned helplessness today. In one of the experimnents, a dog was placed in a harness where it recieved continuous inescapable shocks. The dog was then replaced into another chamber without the harness. In this new chamber, shocks were administered from the floor but the dog has the choice of jumping into the next chamber where there is no shock. In most of the outcomes, the dogs just walk around the chamber, lie down and whine, and do nothing about it. This is learned helplessness.

Doesn't this strike a chord with many of you? I think most national servicemen would be able to relate to the dogs. In two and a half years, we learned learned helplessness. Extreme learned helplessness. Yes, I exercised more, I made some army buddies, and of course I've seen and experienced more, I've even torn my ligaments. But nothing can justify the negative effects of learned helplessness I've learnt over the course of two and a half years ( When I look forward two and a half years ago, it was long. Now, two and a half years later, I look back and it was even longer....)

Regiment, inflexibility, malpractice, abuse of power are all that plague the force. I can't forget a term called ''suck thumb''. Also known as ''lanlan'' in hokkien, it means you can do nothing about it. Orders passed down, decisions made, wise or unwise, reasonable or ridiculous requires us to ''suck thumb''. If I were to really physically ''suck thumb'' throughout the two and a half years, I swear I would only have eight fingers now.

Personally, I can say I am being suppressed to the max. I lost a lot to the force. Now I know how they brainwash us national servicemen. First they make you shag. Pushing you to the max, making sure that what you think of is only the primary needs like food and sleep. Then they constantly implant us with the knowledge that we have to obey and obey and obey and discipline and we can do nothing about it and we are a pile of shit and they are the king to give us food, water, shelter and we should not ask for more. No wonder we feel so greatful to them for the most teeny weeny insignificant stuffs.

Through the two and a half years, we are subjected to ridiculous treatment and atrocious rules which should not be used to govern the general population, who do not deserve to be in the disciplined and prestigious force. The dogs in experiments experienced the harnessed condition for only about a few trails, about a day, to result in such learned helplessness. Whats two and a half years of trials equal to then?

Face it. Two and a half years is too too f***ing long. Now its two years, that makes it too f***ing long then. The learned helplessness will result in a loss of willpower and fighting spirit in the majority of national servicemen as they step back into the society. It makes them gradually and subconsciously lose faith in hope and belief. I will pardon the Singaporean scholar lady who criticised Singaporean men. We really need more people like her to boost the morale of our national servicemen.

I'm lazy to write more. The system is seriously flawed.

The Silver Lining

Tragic, loss, fear are feelings that gripe the general population whenever the word ''terrorist'' is mentioned. Indeed, there have only been negative comments on the terrorists, who spread all over the world just like maggots over a dead body. As maggots achieve their duties in life, they feel relieved thinking that they are gonna grow wings and go to heaven. But what they are to be, is just another housefly, trapped in the vicious growth cycle. They are gonna live and eat shit, give birth to even more maggots, and be swat to death.

Depending on individuals' viewpoint, we may see maggots as decomposing agents. I see them as growth enhancing agents. I can see countries inching closer and closer, fighting a common enemy. I can see condolences across countries offsetting the disagreements between them. I can see politicians moving together in condemning the vicious attacks.

If you punch me I will be real sad. But your subsequent punches will induce less and less sadness in me. A generation not having gone through war may be a generation of wimps. Terorists gives us a chance to proudly declare that we have all been through war. Thanks, we are hardier now.

Think of terrorists. Think of new industries. Think of cashflow. Think of employment oppurtunities.

Just like maggots, we cannot condemn the terrorists. We can never exterminate them. Coz the terrorist are not really terrorist; they are the agents in our life. I for one, have plenty of praises for these terrorists; As catalysts, they have helped shaped the human population into what the human population is meant to be.

Just a word for the maggots out there: If you want to get out of that vicious cycle, don't become a housefly. How to go about doing it? Starve to death while you are a maggot. You'll seem more useful that way.

In remembrance of Mocha, the stray kitten.

My mistress:

This letter will be as short as my taste of life. Life is sad. Its all about survival and keeping up with the others. I can't keep up and I strayed. Its all about cruelty and bullying. I met the evils of life and was left fending for myself. Its all about living and dying. Dying is the wrong word to use. I've returned to the universe as one and a part of me shall always be with you. At least...

I got a name. Coffee is a nice try. Doggy too. But Mocha is the name for me.

I did a preach. I converted someone into a cat lover.

I see the goodness in life.

At least I was touched by an angel.

Mocha


*Dedicated to all who only have a collective name: 'stray'

Angel

Have been posting feely blogs nowadays. But no choice coz being feely is the 'in' thing now. Got a more feely issue coming up but first we must know what constitutes an angel. I don't think an angel is one with wings and halos, with a wand like Mr Harry's. I won't want that kind of angel to appear before me and give me 3 wishes. For I'd be speechless and the 3 wishes would be wasted. In fact if i have a bow and arrow and I see one on the streets, I think I may shoot it down, provided I can think properly. For I do not know what it will do to me.

Angels are constituted by angelic acts. So what is an angelic act? It is an act which makes anything feel 'touched by an angel'. So how can we know if we've been touched by an angel wthout knowing who is the angel? We do not need that as an obstacle to us. Just apply the phrase 'touched by an angel' to any particular acts on you or around you. If it fits in just right, congrats, you've just been touched by an angel.

Mocha 

Heaven

I don't know if there is a heaven or not. Let's assume there is. Since people make out heaven to be such a nice place, heaven shall not be a place where people lead standard lifestyles and live in standard houses like what is happening in Singapore. Heaven shall be a place where there is no line separating imagination and reality. So that you get what you want and you want what you get. Isn't that wonderful? So who is going to heaven and who is not? What is separating those going to heaven and those who do not? Anyone who claims to know shall be known as a fool. But I shall claim that the ticket to entry of heaven is love. Even though I'd be known as a fool for I'd feel uncomfortable keeping it in my heart. I'll see you there.

5 Cs

We came up with the 5 'C's of love:

'C'omfort

'C'are

'C'ommitment

'C'ajole

'C'onnection

Hmmmm... Think about it.

cool~~ 

Time flies? No. 

It zooms.